she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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