don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
