I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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