I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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