He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
