JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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