if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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