Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
