but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
