The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
