i think i have herpe
just one?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
