Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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