your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
