Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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