Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
