Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
