just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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