My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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