I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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