I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize