I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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