It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
