dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
