So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
