Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
