I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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