Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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