I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
