Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
