literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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