I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
