I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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