Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
