therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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