rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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