I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
