we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
