I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
