Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
