Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
