you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
