my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
