So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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