Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
