i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
