Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The air was thick with penises
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
