3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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