You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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