it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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