It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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