Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to make out with him forever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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