I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
