i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
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How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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