she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
