When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
