I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
