i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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