yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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