Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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