Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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