I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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