Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
