you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
