: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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