haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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