When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
