I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
