Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
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gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina