im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.