Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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