I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts