i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed