I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"