All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry my hands just texted you
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die