I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
