Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
