Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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