xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize