We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
