I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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