Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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