thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
