i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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