If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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