If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
