Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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