The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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