Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
